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Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Medical terms made funny

Sent to me by a good friend. Couldn't resist posting for all my nerdy science friends and everyone else :) Enjoy!

Medical Terminology

Benign..........................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium..........................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section................A neighborhood in Rome.
Cat scan........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize.......................Made eye contact with her.
Colic...........................A sheep dog.
Coma............................A punctuation mark.
D&C.............................Where Washington is.
Dilate..........................To live long.
Enema...........................Not a friend.
Fester..........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula..........................A small lie.
Genital.........................Non-Jewish person.
G.I .Series.....................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail........................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent........................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain......................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid..........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates........................Cheaper than day rates.
Node............................I knew it.
Outpatient......................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear.......................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis..........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..................A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...................Place to do upholstery.
Rectum..........................Damn near killed him.
Secretion.......................Hiding something
Seizure.........................Roman emperor.
Tablet..........................A small table.
Terminal Illness................Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor...........................More than one.
Urine...........................Opposite of mine.
Varicose........................Near by/close by

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Preventing Cancer

Here I am frantically studying for my human cancer class and thought I'd take a moment (to procrastinate) to share the knowledge on how to prevent cancer.

How to prevent breast cancer

1) Have a baby- full term pregnancy before the age of 20 is the number one way to drastically reduce your risk of breast cancer (vs never having a child). This is because you expose your body to less amount of unopposed Estrogen over your lifetime. During pregnancy, Progesterone levels are high thus opposing the negative effects of Estrogen.

2) Don't be obese, especially after menopause - obese women have a much higher risk. Why? Because, fat cells contain an enzyme called aromitase which converts Testosterone to Estrogen. Thus, fat women have more E floating around and like I mentioned above, higher E means higher risk.

3)Don't abuse alcohol - because it keeps E levels high in women

Preventing Prostate Cancer

1) Removal of Testicles before age 45 will drastically reduce your risk. This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard. Like any guy is gonna agree to that!


Preventing Colon Cancer

This is where a healthy diet is key:

-high fiber
-low fat
-low meat

Why is this suggested to help? Because foods like veggies move quicker through your system then meat and fatty foods. The longer the shit (literally) sits in your colon, the worse off you are.


Please note: cancer is very rarely genetic. There are a few cases where it is, but more often than not, it is just a multistep process of mutations and deregulation of cells....Cancer is also quite treatable so long as it is detected before it metastasizes (spreads from one organ to another).
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AND:

You know you're from California if...

1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none
are visible,

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't
afford a house,

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people
carrying on a conversation in English,

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple
hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze,

5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two
mothers and a sperm donor,

7. You have a very strong opinion about where
your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste
the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian,

9. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

10. A really great parking space can totally
move you to tears,

11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt
ANY TV broadcast,

12. Gas costs $2.00 per gallon more than
anywhere else in the U.S,

13. A man gets on the bus in full leather
regalia and crotchless chaps, and you don't even
notice,

14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 at
Starbucks' wearing the baseball cap and
sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really
IS George Clooney,

15. Your car insurance costs as much as your
house payment,

16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber
is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into
S & M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.

17. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a
report on every news station: "STORM WATCH,"


19. You have to leave the big company meeting
early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching
the 4:00 pm Tae Bo class,

20. You pass an elementary school playground
and the children are all busy with their cells
or pagers,

21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you
leave for work an hour early to avoid all the
weather-related accidents . . .

22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????

23. Both you AND your dog have therapists . . .
and lastly,

24. The Terminator is your governor.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Passover Pick-up Lines

I saw this on one of my favorite blogs, Israellycool:

Passover Pick up lines

Here are a few I thought were extra funny:

I bet I could make you sing Dayenu!

I hear that horseradish is an aphrodisiac

What's a girl like you doing at a seder like this?

Hag Sameach Everyone!

Sunday, April 04, 2004

To be or not to be a Jew

We all are aware that the definition of a Jew is one whose mother is Jewish. But there are plenty of individuals out there whose fathers are Jewish which leaves them sort of in this tough situation in terms of what they identify with. More often than not, these individuals still have Jewish names (at least last names) and thus are mistaken for Jews. Yet they aren't part of the "club". In Nazi Europe they were still sent to the gas chambers since they were "tainted" with Jewish blood. Sounds like a huge your fucked either way. On one hand, the Jewish community doesn't accept them as Jews and on the otherhand the rest of the world classifies them as such.

I bring all this up because I had a long conversation with a good friend of mine who falls into this category. I love her so much and never realized that it bothered her that she was stuck in this situation. I mean, what makes me more Jewish than her? Only the fact that my mother is Jewish. Sure, I don't eat pork and steer clear of shelled fish but come on, that's nowhere near keeping the mitzvot that I am suppose to. I am aware of that. I know over time I will probably become a more practicing Jew. As it stands right now, the difference between my friend and I in the Jewishness department seems to be only the fact that my mother is Jewish. I can see how that frustrates her. She identifies with the Jewish side of her family, it is a part of her. I mean, afterall, her father is a Jew and she is half her father. Why is it irrelevent?

Then there are my friends whose mothers are Jewish. You'd never know because they have very non-Jewish last names and most of them (for whatever reason) identify much less with their Jewish side than those friends whose fathers are Jewish.

If I had more time, I would get into this more but studying calls. I have thought a lot about this interfaith thing more and more lately and wanted to write a bit about it. Truthfully speaking, I do believe that Jews should follow the mitzvot that God gave us. I am a huge hypocrite saying this since I myself do not keep them. I'll go further into this some other time when I don't have midterms coming up.

Oh and, before I forget: Hag Sameach to everyone!

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